I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
