Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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