Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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