Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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