1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
two words: eviction party
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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