He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
