She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
