clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
