where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
