I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
