Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
