I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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