My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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