We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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