Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
