just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
