So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
