I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
