singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
