I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize