She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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