I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
