I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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