ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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