I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
