whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
