Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The air taste purple.
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