Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
