so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
