wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
