So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
