yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
