i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
