she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
