the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
