we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
soo... how was my night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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