Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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