I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
