Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
