Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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