Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
