i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
