OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
