her vagine was all disorganized.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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