I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
