i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Randomize
