Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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