Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
