I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
