she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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