is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
