so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
