Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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