I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
