Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
