What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
