he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
