So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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