i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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