My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize