u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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