I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
