My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
