I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
