fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
