Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize