The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
