lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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